The image i had of god growing up was always so small. It was a jealous man in the sky who arbitrated the right and wrong of the world.
I regularly and was encouraged to question the bible in a way. To look for patterns and emergent phenomena. However i was always told it was a different matter to question God. I was pointed to the story of job and how he never questioned him. So i did as he and never did.
But once you start you really can't stop. I was pointed to Genesis 22 by a friend. She had me ask as many questions as i could about it. And i laid it on about covenants, and symbolism to the crucifixion later and all these technical things and on and on.
and she sat silently before asking me "Is that it?"

You don't wonder why Abram would leave his family his only safety, to go to a foreign land which was often invaded and violent, all at the behest of a novel and unknown god?
You don't wonder what kind of loving god asks a man to kill his only son? Why would god do that?

Then she explained that her god is big. not like how it was taught in our sunday school. Way bigger. He can handle her questions, doubts, convictions, and seasons of disbelief. Not only can he handle it, he loves it. When jacob wrestles the divine eesh angels came from heaven to proclaim jacob successful! Not because he had won out over the divine but because how do you fail when you wrestle the divine.